Stress and the Family

This lesson was really interesting. We learned about the different ways to cope with stress. We also learned about positive and negative ways of dealing with stress.

Something that really stood out to me is when the class was talking about how some them or family members had coped with stress. The one thing that I remember was that whenever the family was involved in a positive way the kids were able to cope in better.

I know someone that doesn't know how to cope with stress very well. They won't go to their parents and so they have chosen to go to friends that aren't the best and alcohol.

Sexual Intimacy

This is a topic that most people shy away from especially within the church. We are taught, ingrained with the   idea that sex is bad. Yes it is bad when it is out of the bonds of marriage. I think we need to better at teaching children that within marriage sex is a wonderful, bonding, and fun experience.

We need to take the time and be responsible and teach our children about sex. This can be really uncomfortable but wouldn't it be better to have them hear about sex from you rather than from people at school? Educating ourselves and our children can have many positive effects on our families and society.

Getting Married

Many people think that as soon as they get married all of their trouble will cease to exist. This isn't true. You have never lived with this person before. He or She will have quirks and habits that are completely foreign to you, they may even annoy you. Marriage is really a wonderful thing but it does take time to adjust to. 

Most LDS couples end up having babies pretty early in their marriage. This will take some more time to adjust to as well. You have another life that you are responsible to care for and make sure he/she thrives. This can take time away from couples to be together. Husbands can start to feel neglected and feel like the mother is only paying attention to the baby. Even when the baby comes parents still need to find time to go out on dates, even if you need to leave your baby with someone you trust. 

Parenting

I really enjoyed this week. The parenting skills I learned help me feel more positive about teaching my children in the future. The purpose of parenting is to protect and prepare children to survive and thrive in the world they are going to live in. I think the key word here is thrive. We don't want our children to just survive in the world that they live in. I want my children to be able to thrive in the world. I want to teach them the importance of the gospel and the doctrines. I want to teach my children many of the things that will help them to do well throughout their lives.

The information we used came from a program called Active Parenting. I thought he did an amazing job with this program. He said that we want our children to have four different character traits.
1 Responsibility
2 Cooperation
3 Respect
4 Courage

I really like that he focused of Natural consequences rather than punishment.

Working and Families

This week has been interesting. We talked about how working mothers and working in general changes the family dynamic. From what I got out of the discussions is that it is best if mothers don't work. I believe that it is so important for mothers to be home for their children, but it isn't always the case. There might be some mothers that have to go to work to help support her family. There might be a mom that would like to work just a little bit because she enjoys it so much. I think that like with almost everything there are so many variables and you can't judge people based on decisions they believe are the best for them. I think it is so sad that working moms within the Church are looked down upon.

We also talked about how the dynamics of the family have changed just within the last 100 years. In the past the whole family would work together to support the family and it was okay, that was how life was. When the industrial revolution happened fathers, mothers, and children for a time entered the work force. While there are benefits that have come from this there are also downfalls. For example parents don't have as much time with their children as before.

Communication

Last week we talked about how important communication is within a family. One thing that really stuck out to me was a comment by Brother Williams. When we have problems we usually blame it on a lack of communication, but in reality we are communicating every minute of the day. The problem is that we are not communicating effectively or in a way that our spouse understands.

The way that we communicate will determine how different situations will play out. The better we learn to communicate effectively the better off we will be in all aspects of our lives. Another thing that I liked about last week was when Brother Williams talked about how if we don't understand something that our spouse says we should say it back to them and ask them if that is what they meant to say. 

Relationships

In my culture and family the norm for a relationship is to begin with dates, progress to "in a relationship", engagement, and then marriage. This is if the relationship continues to grow. In our class we talked about how most tend to skip the dating phase and kind of slide through the rest of the stages.

We talked quite a bit about the Relationship attachment Model. Basically you should never trust someone more than you know them. Never rely on someone if you can't trust them. Don't commit to someone that you can rely on. Lastly we shouldn't become physically involved more than we can commit to that person. We talked about how it is so important to communicate and make sure you are on the same level with these points. If this doesn't happen the relationship could go through some rocky times.

Today we talked about cohabitation and the science behind it. This research that we found in both our textbooks and other resources that are not from researchers of my religion. I think it is fascinating that after all the research we can't find any positives from living together.
In class we made a couple of lists to help us look at it closer.
Reasons why people live together before marriage...
-helps prepare for marriage
-viewed as a test drive
-sexual compatibility
- the next step
-"it is the same"

What research has shown us about cohabitation.
-less physical intimacy
-higher divorce rates if they marry
-relationship is more likely to end
-higher violence rate
-children are 5x more likely to have parents that are separated
-lower quality of overall health

I think this research is really interesting and, if the research was widely known, could really help some people when they are making the decision of whether or not to move in together.

Gender Roles

This week we have learned about gender roles and how they affect the family. I am all for women to have rights but I think that many feminist movements have gone too far. Some people believe that men and women should be exactly the same to have the same rights. That isn't the case though. It is okay for men and women to have differences that's what helps make them such a great team. Each have different strengths that they can add to the table. Society puts so much pressure on the different genders. If men don't act like men they are made fun of. If women stay at home or go to work there are people that make fun of them. It seems like a shame. God made man and women equal but each have different strengths. The mans rule is to be the provider and protector. The woman is to be the nurturer. This doesn't mean that the mom can't go to work if it is necessary, or that the dad can't be nurturing.

Social Classes

This post is going to be small. We have talked about cultures and social class the last couple of days. I watched several videos about social class. It was interesting to see how people viewed classes. Several videos were about the really high class people. I would not want to live that kind of life even if I did have money. Nothing seemed good enough for them and they didn't seem genuinely happy. Material items can only make you so happy. In my opinion they all seemed really fake.
 We also watched a video about a "lower class" woman who was stuck there and didn't know how to progress on her own. She did seem more genuine than the others.

I might add another post for this week but it will depend on how much time I have this weekend!

Family Systems

Hey it has been another week! Wow this one went by fast!
Well I have learned some amazing things this week in family relations. This week we focused on Family systems. I learned about the different boundaries that occur in families. Those boundaries are rigid, diffuse, and clear. I could have guessed those but I thought it was interesting that the boundaries within families are agreed upon even if it wasn't spoken out loud.

The last couple of days Brother Williams has been giving us examples of therapy sessions, and I have found them to be incredibly interesting. He talked about how family therapy is about creating a new experience with in the family. When he gave the example there was no advise or him telling someone what to do. It was like he joined the family for that time and helped bring to light different emotions that they were feeling, but didn't know how to express. I thought it was fascinating to watch the process.

We also learned about family genograms. Genograms are similar to a family tree but they have more information about the relationships between people. These help you to find patterns within your family. Brother Williams mentioned,"When you know the patterns you can have choices." If there is a pattern of abuse or something less dramatic you can choose to put a stop to it. I am really excited to do this on my own family and find patterns!

My First Official Post!

I have learned a lot this week about families so I will share with you the highlights.
First of all we talked about different trends that we are seeing in the world today regarding the family. One of those trends in the amount of couples choosing to live together instead of getting married. Premarital sex has become much more common in society today as well. We also see an increase of mothers that aren't married. I find it interesting that many of the trends seem to correlate with each other. It will be interesting to learn how these trends are affecting people.

The assignment that really stuck out to me this week was the fertility discussion board. There were some amazing quotes about having families. These are my favorite.

"There are multitudes of pure and holy spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our duty?-- To prepare tabernacles for them...It is the duty of every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles for all the spirits they can."

                              -President Brigham Young

This is amazing! Even though this was said many many years ago it is still true today. It reinforces to me that my husband and I need to be doing everything that we can to prepare ourselves for the opportunity of having children.
This next quote is kind of lengthy but I really like it so here it is...

"You  did not come on earth just to "eat, drink and be merry." You came knowing full well your responsibilities. You came to get for yourself a mortal body that could become perfected, immortalized, and you understood that you were to act in partnership with God in providing bodies for other spirits equally anxious to come to the earth for righteous purposes. And so you will not postpone parenthood. There will be rationalists who will name to you numerous reasons for postponement. Of course, it will be harder to get your college degrees or your financial start with a family, but strength like yours will be undaunted in the face of difficult obstacles."                              

                               -President Spencer W. Kimball

Again that is just amazing! Reading this quote helped me to understand more fully what our purpose here on this earth is. Like it says in The Family: Proclamation to the World, "the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children." We are all children of our Heavenly Father and he wants us all of his children to have the opportunity to come to the earth.

            

 

Learning about Families!!

Hey Everyone!
I have been really excited to take a class that focuses entirely on the family. I love learning about the family and what I can do to strengthen mine. I am also really excited to start this blog, and share my thoughts, feelings, and ideas about family. I have never blogged before so this should be a good experience!